I think I’ve felt heartbreak for the first time today. Mind you, I’ve been betrayed, lied on, cheated on, cursed out, left out, cast out, all of it. I was literally condemned to Hell by a young lady for being in a Frat. But I was told something yesterday I haven’t been able to shake. Apparently I’m not a giver.

Mind you, I give for folks birthdays close to me, I give for Christmas, I give to the individuals on the corner holding the sign, I show up, I volunteer, I lift heavy things others can’t, I’ve helped pay rents, teenagers who’ve asked for money because they can’t eat. I’ve served, I’ve served late even with early meetings that require 4:45am wake ups due to location, I’ve sacrificed my own birthday plans to serve, not to mention I’m the guy God wakes up and shows kidneys too, shows a child’s broken home too, shows an individuals pain and struggles in an instant too. This is a big one……… I tip. Even when I’m taking my accounts out to dinner, I tip from my own pocket. I’ve extended the use of my company vehicle for others due to the free gas.

But apparently it’s not enough. And I’m not saying all of this to brag or too counter the statement (to some degree of course I disagree wholeheartedly) but I’m saying this because I already am someone who takes time to guard his relationship with people in general. What that means is this. As a minister and someone who loves God I have no choice but to see the best in people and cater to needs. The whole reason I’m in seminary is not for my own glory, but for the advancement of the knowledge of others who may not know. The whole reason why I try to answer the call is because I know God wants to reach people, and he does so through people.

So this statement feels like a shot at my faith IN people. I don’t know, maybe I’m too available, maybe I’m over extending, maybe I say yes too much. Maybe this is the day I take my life back. Do things I actually want to do. I don’t know. I know it’s been a while since I’ve been on here and they say consistency in putting out content is key, but that’s partially due to me putting others before…….me. Wrestling with if that’s what it is or not. Guess we’ll find out.